Darkness
by AvoxMisery
Summary: Another failed plot. Another ruined day. This time the citizens of Lazytown have had enough of Robbie Rotten. Rated M for Adult themes of depression, anxiety, mental health issues. Warnings: self-harm, somewhat graphic descriptions. Not Sportarobbie.
1. Chapter 1

****** _ **CRASH****_

The monstrous sound echoed across the soccer field. When the dust selected, Sportacus was holding up a portion of the machinery that Robbie Rotten had been knocked in the path of, undoubtedly having just saved his life yet again.

~~That Morning~~

Earlier that day Robbie had gotten wind of a soccer tournament that was scheduled to take place in the evening. He knew how much noise those little brats could make playing a normal game without spectators and he hated to think of how much louder they would be with them.

"I have _a plan_ ," Robbie had said with his finger in the air. Talking to himself in his lair he continued, "I will build a machine to destroy the field and then those kids will never be able to play in it again!." He pulled a lever and an old farming plow machine materialized. It was covered in rust and had some missing parts, but with a little bit of tweaking, it would work fabulously in no time.

For over an hour he worked on the improvements, ramping up the speed, adding a coat of orange and purple paint with red lettering. Once he was satisfied with the RR™Earth Shredder, Robbie shifted his focus to a credible costume. He created a referee's uniform but with deep purple stripes instead of the customary black.

"There, everything is perfect," Robbie said with his hands on his hips as he admired both his machine handiwork and himself in the mirror. "Time to put my plan into action!"

~The Evening~

Unfortunately, for both Robbie and the kids, the plan worked only halfway. Robbie had set the power of the Earth Shredder up too high which cause it to short out shortly after it started to execute his dastardly plans. He got his shoelace stuck on one of the levers and when he went to jump clear after losing control, he pulled half the machine towards him. The blades just barely missed his skin, although they didn't miss Sportacus. The latter being the one who saved Robbie. It wasn't anything serious, just a small puncture wound on a bicep. However, it was bleeding and most of the kids had never seen blood before.

Ziggy fainted, Pixel turned an odd shade of dark olive green, and Trixie managed to blanch. Mayor Meanswell was shouting something at Ms Busybody who was already running to get a first aid kit. Stephanie cried out in concerned fright while Stingy was just staring dumbfoundedly at the field.

Half of the soccer field was in ruins. There was somehow purple ooze all over the destroyed half of the field, mixed in with the dirt and clumps of sod. Some of the brick walls on either side were pulverized, to dust in some places. It looked like a bomb had gone off and felt like a war zone to the kids.

*Cough**Wheeze*, Robbie started to sit up, somewhat dazed as he surveyed the damage he had caused. He honestly didn't think that his plan would work and would instead be like all his other plans, a failure. A hand was in front of his face, it was Sportacus's. Robbie went to grab it so as to free himself the rest of the way from the goop that he had managed to get partly submerged in, but then noticed something on the proffered hand.

Blood.

It was dripping down from a wound in Sportacus's bicep and slowly landing on the ground in front of Robbie, forming a small puddle.

"Sp-Spor-Sportacus?" Robbie sputter as he fought to pull himself up without help. "Are you okay?" Concern trickled into his tone before he could stop himself.

Sportacus looked from Robbie to his arm, "Yes, I will be alright Robbie. Are you okay?"

Robbie's stomach turned. This goody-two-shoes got hurt saving him and he still cared more about a villain than his own health. What was wrong with him. He grumbled something under his breath and, as he was getting nowhere in his futile attempts to get up, he grabbed Sportacus's hand and was hauled upright.

"What do you think you were DOING!" The last word a shrill and accusatory shout. It was Stephanie, who had finally rushed over to Robbie and Sportacus. "You could have got all of us killed, you could have gotten Sportacus killed!" An angry storm of emotions played across her face. Fear, revulsion, anger, hatred, disgust. She wasn't normally one to get mad at someone, not even at Robbie, but all of her friends narrowly escaped the jaws of that contraption.

"It's okay Stephanie, I'm okay and everyone else is fine. Robbie just got carried away." Sportacus tried to reassure Stephanie, but the last line faltered and fell flat. He, too, did not understand why Robbie had made such an uncontrollable and dangerous machine just to mess up a field.

"No." Stingy spoke up, awakened from his shock. "Robbie could have hurt **my friends**. He hurt you, Sportacus." He was standing next to Stephanie with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face to match the one that Stephanie had displayed.

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean for.." Robbie was cut off.

"Yes, you DID. You always mean to do something mean to us!" Stephanie exclaimed. "You keep setting up traps or making horrible machines to either chase Sportacus away or to hurt us."

"Not… not to hurt you brats…" Robbie looked around at the absolute mess that he had made. "Just to get you to be quiet," he finished weakly.

"Not to hurt us?" Mayor Meanswell and an out of breath Ms Busybody was now standing next to Stingy and Stephanie. Ms Busybody walked over to Sportacus and helped to bandage his wound. "What do you call all this? You did hurt someone whether you meant to or not." The Mayor tried to look angry, but he was too shocked and what had just transpired he ended up looking worn out. "Go away and please don't come back. LazyTown doesn't have any need from someone as terrible as you."

"What?" Robbie straightened up a little, from his previously defeated hunched over position. He couldn't quite understand what he was hearing.

"You heard what I said," Mayor Meanswell stated as his voice got a touch tougher and more authoritative. "You have no business being in this town."

Sportacus looked at the Mayor and was about to interrupt when, surprisingly, the Mayor shor him a sharp look. His words died him his throat. He couldn't remember ever seeing the Mayor like this.

"You don't help anyone and you don't do anything worthwhile. You are worthless having around here. We don't need the trouble and the danger," the Mayor swept his hands around at the current scene, "that you bring to this town. Intentional or not. Just go."

The words hurt like a punch in the gut. Worthless. Not needed. More trouble than it's worth. Robbie looked at all of them, anger and fear looking back at him. He locked eyes with Sportacus for a moment, before Sportacus looked away and down at what Ms Busybody was doing. It was all true. No one wanted him. "Okay. Fine. See if I care. You all will miss me." With that bravado, he balled his fists and turned around sharply, stomping off back to his lair.

Stephanie and the other kids watched him leave. "Good riddance," Ziggy said. He had come to right as the Mayor was telling Robbie to leave.

"Yea," Pixel chimed in. "No more terrible devices to go haywire."

"Mhmm," agreed Trixie.

"Sportacus, are you sure that you are alright?" Stephanie asked with concern as she walked over to where Sportacus was sitting. Ms Busybody had just finished up with the first aid.

"Yes Stephanie, I am fine," He smiled half-heartedly at her. His muscle stung a little, the blade just managed to pierce it, but it hurt no worse than a tetanus shot. "I will be as good as new tomorrow, I am sure." He stood up and looked more closely at the damage. "This field on the other had. That will take a little bit more time to fix." Sportacus place his hand on Stephanie's shoulder, "We will fix it and then we can have the tournament."

"With no Robbie Rotten?" The kids questioned at once.

"Yes, no Robbie Rotten," Sportacus reassured them with a small smile and a sad look in his eyes.

~Robbie's Lair~

Of course they didn't want him. He was worthless. Who would want worthless trash messing up your town. Making it dirty.

Words that Robbie had never heard used to describe him since coming to LazyTown were bouncing in his head. Words that he was sure they didn't call him were being added, what did they call him? Good for nothing? Filth? Annoying? Worthless.

Robbie chuckled sadly, "I am worthless, aren't I?" He slouched down further in his orange fuzzy chair. He pressed a button and his new TV monitoring system descended from the ceiling. It was more effective than having to get up and look out the periscope all the time. That and it was more discrete. Surely the townspeople didn't think he was all that bad, did they? After all, that little pink pixie called him a "big Softy" in her diary. Maybe they had calmed down and everything would be okay by tomorrow.

" _Can you believe this?_ " Stingy said as he picked up a deflated soccer ball that had been nearly torn in half. " _He destroyed_ _ **my**_ _soccer ball. I hate Robbie Rotten."_

" _You think that is bad, Robbie crushed my Soccerbot 7000_ " Pixel kicked a scrap of twisted metal. " _I spent months building that and fine tuning it, now it's ruined. I hope I never see Robbie again._ "

" _All of my candy,_ " Ziggy couldn't even finish his sentence as he pulled out a mangled lollipop from the purple goop in the ground and started to cry. Robbie could make out a choked " _Horrible person"_ through the small sobs.

Trixie was nowhere to be found, but Stephanie, Robbie could see, was sitting on the last intact bleachers close to the quiet machine. He could see that she was staring at the blood that came from Sportacus. The blood on the ground and on the blade. " _I never want to see that rotten, evil person ever again."_ She stood up quickly and rushed off in the direction of her Uncle's home - probably to cry.

Worthless. Worthless. Evil. Rotten. Why was he so rotten? No one needed him, but he didn't need anyone neither, did he? He pulled out his old video collection as he began to slip into a dark place that he hadn't been in since before coming to LazyTown. He popped a video in and pressed play.

Absently, he opened the compartment on his chair and pulled out a worn pocket knife.

~The Air Ship~

Ms Busybody had done a good job. She cleaned the wound out with some hydrogen peroxide and put some Neosporin on it after making sure that it wasn't deep enough to require stitches. If she had tended to it the moment after it happened, then she would have thought it needed stitches. That was one benefit to being so healthy, he healed really fast. By tomorrow it would be nothing more than a scab, and in another day it would be a barely noticeable scar. A few days after that and there would be no trace of it ever happening to him, apart from the memory of the pain.

Sportacus began his night stretches before retiring for the night, it was a few minutes past 8:08, but he had to make sure that his routine was complete before sleeping. As he stretched, he thought back on the day's events. It wasn't like Robbie to make something so dangerous. In fact, Sportacus couldn't remember the last time anyone had actually been harmed by one of Robbie's inventions.

He remembered the look on Robbie's face when their eyes caught on the field, or what was left of it. It was the look of a man whose facade was cracking. It was not a look that Sportacus had seen very often, and he didn't recognize it until he was deep in thought doing his stretches.

It was the look of someone who was losing control.

Just then, a high pitched beeping drew Sportacus from his thoughts. He looked around the airship for a moment before realizing that the sound was coming from his crystal. It was an odd orange colour, unlike the rainbow glow the crystal normally gave off.

"Someone needs my help," Sportacus stood upright and flipped over to the pole, pulling out his telescope as the platform lowered down. He looked around the town, but it seemed like everyone was in bed. That only left Robbie, who Sportacus couldn't see from his airship. He had a feeling that he would find Robbie in his "secret" lair on the other side of the billboard.

"Glider!" He shouted at the computer as he jumped off of the platform. Landing on it moments after it completed folding out, he started to pedal towards the outskirts of town.

~Robbies Lair~

It wasn't fair. "I never asked to be born. I never asked for any of this." Robbie mumbled as he felt control of the situation in the town slipping from him. He couldn't control anything. For awhile after moving to LazyTown to get a new start, everything was great. He was able to get some good sleep and he was able to keep the kids from making too much noise. "But I couldn't _control_ that pink pixie showing up. I couldn't _control_ her when she got those kids to play with her outside. I couldn't _control_ Sportacus from showing up, no matter how hard I tried."

Robbie had taken off his tight longsleeved waist coat after he finished watching the first video he had put in his machine. It was an old family video that had showed some nice times and some not so nice times of when he was growing up. Like when he was praised for the A that he got in his math and engineering classes. But then was called garbage by his dad for having failed PE, again. Why his mom thought it was a good idea to film him giving his report card to his dad, he had no idea.

The dull light of the screen, now full of that quiet white fuzz, showed light lines up and down the length of Robbie's skin. Everytime he had said the word "control", he had added a new line to his skin, only in fresh red instead of the faded skin colour of the other lines.

This was how he regained his control over things. He couldn't control how the townspeople felt about him, but he could control how he felt. He couldn't control Sportacus and get that blue elf to leave so things could be back the way that they used to be, but he could control his own pain.

Long ago he found that, when the world was swirling away from him and he began to feel disconnected from reality, all he needed to do to ground himself was to cause himself some pain. It started on accident. He had mindlessly shut the fridge on one of his fingers so hard that it bruised a tendon. He felt more alert than he had in days prior to that. He was able to finally concentrate and finish a project that he was working on for a class.

After that, he would periodically "fix" himself if he felt that he was drifting. Soon it had become a drug. People began to question the random bruises and odd finger casts that he switched to 'fixing' himself with a pocket knife that his horrid father had given to him during either a birthday or for Christmas - he couldn't remember which. After his father gave it to him, he had told him "Hopefully one day you will kill yourself with it. I could only be so lucky." Yea, his father was the worst villain that a person could be.

Once he started "fixing" himself that way, he took to wearing long sleeved shirts. To keep from suspicions being raised, he would wear skin toned sleeves that were breathable and matched his hands. He would also use concealer if he wasn't showing the entire arm. No one ever thought anything of it, and it was almost always just a little bit chilly in LazyTown, so he rarely had to resort to that level of deception unless it was for one of his disguises.

Now he wouldn't have to worry about that. Robbie figured that he would be spending most of his time from then on down in his lair, if he didn't leave to another town altogether. Maybe in a few weeks when he felt more in " _control_ " over himself and he was no longer bleeding, he would move to another town. It would be for the best.

" _Control, control, control,_ _ **control,**_ " Robbie muttered to himself as he absently cut up and down his arms, alternating between the right and the left. Savouring the sharp pangs of pain as they fired up and began to ebb to a dull throb. It was like a drug to him, and it took all he had to keep from finding his anchor on days where his plans were royally foiled.

Robbie looked down, the armchair was starting to get wet and slick from his bleeding arms. _How long have I been doing this?_ He thought to himself. He looked his left arm and saw that in his stupor, he had drawn the word "worthless" on his skin with the blade. His other arm, he noticed with a sickly sad smile, had the word "trash" etched in. For something that normally brought him control and focus, he had lost control.

And lost a lot of blood. More than he was used to.

Robbie saw little sparks of white in his vision as he surveyed his handiwork. He finally felt clean, at peace. Maybe tonight he could fulfill his father's wish. No one wanted him anyway.

He turned the blade over, admiring the blood as it glistened in the dull light from the TV. Robbie didn't hear the hatch open, as lost in his thoughts he was. It would be quick right? Painless. No one would even care that he was gone. He doubted that anyone would even notice him. Maybe there would be a footnote in the legend of the town in some years time of a nuisance that was chased away by the tenth blue elf.

"Maybe someone will remember me as more than just a waste of space," Robbie sighed quietly to himself as he made up his mind and brought the blade to his left wrist. Just a little more pressure and it could all be made right. Just a little mo-

Before Robbie could realize what was happening, a hand came out of nowhere and gripped his right hand in a vice grip. Another hand pried away the knife and threw it across the room, surprisingly the accuracy was impeccable and the knife bounced it's way down the trash shoot to the furnace. With blackness encroaching on his vision, he looked up with the bemused thought that he should have just gone down the shoot to the incinerator, it would have been less messy and no one would have been able to find a trace of him.

"Sportac- why?" Robbie half whispered with his face trying to scrunch up in a scowl.

"You were in trouble," Sportacus started before he tried again, "You are in trouble still." He looked down at the angry red and bloody mess on the villain's arms. "What happened? What have you done?" Sportacus was towering over the much taller man, hand still locked in a vice grip over Robbie's, unsure of what to do.

"Trying to control the situation," Robbie said with a low growl, slightly slurring his words. He was annoyed but euphoric. Maybe it was too late for Sportakook to save him. Maybe he had already lost too much blood. Maybe he was still able to control one thing in his life. He chuckled as a continuation of his thoughts, "My death." Then the world faded to black for him and he slumped back into the chair.

"Robbie?"

"Robbie?!" Sportacus relaxed his grip and knelt down to check Robbie's pulse. It was there, not weak or strong. Hopefully, it was just some minor blood loss, but as Sportacus looked around and as evidenced by the still flashing crystal, it was more serious than simple blood loss. It was a man that didn't care if he lived of died. Something inside of Robbie had broke and Sportacus wasn't entirely certain if he could save him.

He jumped up and began to look for something clean to bandage up Robbie's wounds. The lair was a mess compared to the last time Sportacus was there. Broken devices, trash, candy wrappers, rusty tools scattered on the ground. He looked up where the disguises were normally on display and noticed that the one closest to the machine was a doctor's outfit. "Maybe that will be sterile enough," Sportacus mumbled as he flipped over the railing and vaulted back after retrieving the coat. He started to rip the jacket up into strips and realized that he would need to at least try and clean up some of the blood so as to know what he was dealing with.

Quickly he sprinted over to a lonely looking sink and some of the remaining cloth damp. He ran back and began to clean Robbie's arms off. Most of the cuts looked superficial, as though Robbie really wasn't trying to do much harm. It was then that Sportacus noticed the numerous faded and crisscrossing scars running up and down Robbie's arms. "This is not good," he muttered to himself, "Not good at all."

After it was all said and done, there was only one cut that could really be considered bad, but it had managed to clot up enough that it was barely bleeding. Sportacus cleaned around the clot and applied firm pressure when dressing that area. It took almost thirty minutes to take care of everything, and in that time Sportacus was unable to deny how serious things were. It also was not unnoticed the words that Robbie had spelled out in the cuts.

He had depression and Sportacus didn't know what to do. You can't save someone from depression as easily as you could save someone hanging off the edge of a cliff. Once you pull them up and carry them away from the ledge, then they are safe. Sportacus knew that with depression, you needed to lower a ladder and stay to talk with the person hanging there, hoping that they will take the offered ladder and work their way back up and away from the cliff. All you can do is to be there for them.

"That is what I will do then," Sportacus said to himself as he looked at the sleeping Robbie in the darkened lair. "I will make sure to be here for my friend." He hoisted Robbie over his shoulder and started the quiet journey back up out of the lair and to the airship. Sportacus was glad that it was nighttime so that no prying eyes would see what was going on. The kids were smart, but they were not ready for some something so difficult to explain.

~The Airship~

After making his slow ascent on the ladder with Robbie slumped over one shoulder, Sportacus had had to leave his glider down for the time being as the two of them were just too heavy, he softly called for the computer to open the guest bed. There were no other rooms in the airship apart from the massive living chambers that he had. Everything was compact and could be called when needed. Gently, he laid Robbie on the bed and pulled the covers up halfway. He left Robbie's arms out over the blankets just so he could make sure that there was no blood seeping through the makeshift bandages. Robbie was still unconscious, maybe properly sleeping now.

It was just after midnight and Sportacus was completely exhausted. He decided to wait until he got some rest, and then go back to Robbie's lair in the morning to retrieve the old orange chair - after he cleaned it of course. Robbie should have something familiar if Sportacus was going to keep him in the airship until he wasn't in danger anymore.

' _But how can I be sure he will be out of danger?'_ Sportacus thought to himself as he laid down in the bed next to the guest bed. He looked over at the face who's eyebrows were furrowing intermittently. ' _Depression doesn't just go away, does it?'_ He would just have to wait and see. Maybe he could help Robbie get better, and maybe he couldn't. All he could do was be there for him as a friend.

"Airship, wake me up when Robbie starts waking up," Sportacus said quietly to the ceiling. He didn't want to risk somehow oversleeping and Robbie waking up and doing something drastic.

"Understood." Replied the equally quiet soothing robot voice.

~Morning~

Sportacus's eyes snapped open.

He looked down at his crystal, which was glowing the normal rainbow colour. "Some one is in trouble," He said as he flipped out of bed. He glanced over at the clock and noticed that it was almost ten in the morning. He then looked over to the guest bed and saw that Robbie was still asleep. As long as he didn't take his time, he could be back before Robbie wakes up. Hoping for the best, he flipped over to the pole and lowered down to where the ladder was already hanging, the airship intuitatively knowing what he wanted. He rushed down at record speeds to find who was in trouble and to save them in time.

A minute or so after Sportacus left, Robbie began to stir. It wasn't him waking up, but rather him slipping into a terrible nightmare.

He was standing in a dreary and distorted image of the ruined soccer field. He looked around and saw that he was surrounded by shadowy figures that he couldn't quite make out - until they started to speak.

" _Why were you ever born?"_ His father's head leered down at him, huge and scowling.

" _You were an accident you know."_ His normally kind and thoughtful mother chimed in, voice dripping with venom.

" _All you are good for is making accidents."_ This time it was that pink haired brat, voice high and mighty with a distorted body that towered over him.

He was so small compared to everyone else, so weak. So useless.

" _Why don't you just go away?"_ One of the many long forgotten bullies from his school sneered. " _No one wants you."_

"That's... that's not true," Robbie's voice faltered.

" _Go away."_ The voices of his parents, the bullies, and all the people in LazyTown blended together in unison. " _Go away! GO AWAY! **GO AWAY!"**_

Robbie started running away from the distorted town square, faster than he had ever thought possible. He ran past ruined trees and failed contraptions. He ran past molding cakes, half-eaten sugar apples, and mounds of trash. Everything rotten he had ever done to the town was laying around and in his pathway to his lair. Finally, with the shadowy figures of the townspeople chasing him, he made it to the entrance of his lair. His heart was pounding and what was that on his face. Tears?

After prying the hatch open, he jumped down to safety. Landing roughly in his favourite recliner, he looked around. Nothing was out of place. Everything was quiet. The nightmare was over.

Or was it.

Standing next to Robbie's costumes was Sportacus, arms crossed and glaring at him. " _What have you done Robbie?"_ Harsh and grating, the question came out sounding more like an accusation.

Robbie jumped up and turned to face him, holding some big book up as a defense. "Me? I didn't do anything?" He squeaked as he hunched over.

Sportacus walked down the ramp, limping. He stepped into the light. " _What did you do to **me?** ' _Blood was pouring from a huge gash down his arm. It was terrible, to the bone. Sportacus had blood running down both of his legs as well. Injuries that had happened on accident that the kids didn't know about. Injuries that Robbie had forgotten Sportacus had ever gotten in the first place.

" _Why did you kill me?_ " Sportacus grabbed Robbie's shoulders with both hands. Blood began to ooze from his mouth.

Robbie looked down and saw that the book had turned into a sword and had impaled Sportacus through his chest. The world melted.

Sportacus's grip got tighter, his face distorting into a vicious looking demon as the blood turned black. " _Go awake"._

 _"_ I didn't mean to, I didn't want you to get hurt." Robbie started to cry and hyperventilate. "I just wanted peace."

The Sportacus demon opened his mouth, teeth all pointed fangs. " _Wake **UP"**_ he screeched as he lunged down on Robbie's throat, intent on ripping it out.

Robbie's eyes shot open, struggling to escape the strong grip that the demon had on him. He had to get away, if he could just get free. He thrashed around for a few more seconds, trying to kick and punch his way free. Suddenly he felt sharp pains, but not on his neck. His arms felt as though they were on fire. Robbie slowly stopped moving, finally started taking the room as the vision of the dream faded away. He became aware of words being spoken to him.

"It's okay Robbie, you are okay. It was just a bad dream."

"What?" Robbie looked dazed as he tried to focus on the sound of the voice. It was Sportacus. He was on the airship.

Sportacus leaned back and slowly let go of his grip on Robbie. "You were having a bad dream, I came back as soon as I could but I couldn't wake you up."

Right after he had saved Ziggy from falling from Pixel's window, his crystal started beeping and glowing orange. Sportacus flipped and sprinted back to the ladder as fast as he could. When he got to the top, he saw that Robbie was trashing around and switching between whimpering and screaming, with cheeks wet from shed tears. He ran over to try and wake Robbie up, but talking to him didn't seem to work. The best he could do was to try and hold him down and keep him from hurting the not-quite-healed wounds.

Robbie sat upright, swung his long legs over the bed and crossed his arms. "Why am I here on your ship?" He had fully expected to either wake up in his lair surrounded by his attempts to 'fix' himself, or to simply not wake up at all.

"You needed help, so I came to help you." Sportacus answered weakly. It wasn't the best explanation, but he was not familiar with the kind of help that Robbie needed. He didn't know what he was supposed to say.

"Hmpf," Robbie glared at him, relaxing his crossed arms just a bit to relieve the burning pressure. "I'm sure that someone else is worth saving more than me." He stood up abruptly, brushing off his pants and looking around for his waistcoat. His waistcoat. He looked down at his arms and realized for the first time that he wasn't wearing his longsleeved top, he wasn't wearing any of his skin toned shirts or concealer on his arms. Instead, his old scars were pale streaks over his flushed unmarred skin. His forearms wrapped with cloth that looked like it came from one of his many disguises. He hung his head and let his arms fall to his sides. "You saw, didn't you." Quietly spoken, barely audible.

"Yes," Sportacus said gently.

Silence reigned for a minute or so.

"What can I do to help you Robbie?"

"Leave me alone," Robbie glared and straightened up. He would be damned if he would let Sportacus try and save him. He had made it this long without needed any friends or people to 'save' him, he would be fine. He took a step towards the pole in the room, anxious to return to his quiet and dark lair, a welcome change from this bright and noisy airship. Without warning, or so much as a swooshing sound, Sportacus was standing in front of him. "Get out of my way Sportakook," Robbie growled and he brought up his hands to push him out of the way. This was beginning to remind him of the nightmare that he had just woken from.

"I can't do that." Sportacus resolved then and there to make sure that Robbie would be okay before letting him go back down to the surface.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way." Robbie sputtered each word with more and more anger.

"No," Sportacus stood his ground like the Great Wall of China.

Annoyed and angry, Robbie faked to the left and took a step to the right, determined to get past that blue jumping bean and escape the ship. Sportacus was one step ahead of him and blocked his path again.

"If you don't move right now, I'm going to..." Robbie trailed off. _Going to what? Kill him?_ Sportacus suddenly looked like the Sportacus in his dream, blood dripping from his lips from a punctured lung. "Going to..." His breath hitched. The room darkened. Robbie's heart started to race. Words began to float around in his head. The taunting words of the bullies telling him to go away. The Mayor of LazyTown calling him worthless. He couldn't breathe, was he dying? Was this what dying was like? The room closed in on him and he could hear Sportacus yelling something, his name perhaps, as he crumpled down into a ball and screwed his eyes shut. He was vaguely aware of being lifted up and placed back on the bed he just had left. He was trapped in his nightmare, but the scenes played out transposed over the room in the airship. Robbie began to rock back and forth, trying to calm down his racing heart and catch his breath.

Sportacus had only seen something like this once before. He vaguely remembered that it was called a panic attack. That didn't make any sense to him, there was nothing on the airship to cause Robbie to panic. He didn't really know what to do apart from carrying Robbie back to the bed and slowly rub his back in a circular motion, occasionally talking to him about the weather or the kitten he saved a few days ago. All Sportacus could do was sit with him and be there for him when he came out of it.

Half an hour later, Sportacus's crystal finally stopped glowing orange. Robbie was breathing normally and had promptly fallen asleep again without saying anything to him.

For the first time in his life, Sportacus just didn't know what to do.

* * *

A/N : I wouldn't call Robbie's actions out of character, for they are not that far out of character for people suffering from depression and anxiety. I used some experiences in my own life to write this, as I felt it is important to be addressed. People who suffer from both depression and anxiety often act "out of character", hence the reason behind how I wrote Robbie in this. It is my first time ever writing a story - fan fiction or otherwise - so I do apologize for grammar errors and any odd usage of wording. I'm an accounting grad student that has simply become wrapped up in LazyTown.

I spent three hours on this so far because it was simply stuck in my head. I am not sure if I should keep going further as this is my first writing attempt and I'm not sure how this story will fare. Let me know what you think. Thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

Sportacus felt that it was finally safe enough to get Robbie's armchair from the lair. To hopefully go unnoticed, he decided to anchor the airship over the lair, and it had the added benefit of speeding up the move.

He moved the ship into place, fortunately it was already late enough in the day that the kids weren't paying attention to what he was doing, instead they were getting ready for bed. After Sportacus anchored the ship, he jumped down and landed on the platform next to the hatch entrance. He then jumped down, standing still once he landed in Robbie's home in order to let his eyes adjust to the change in light.

Sportacus was startled at what he saw. The blood soaked chair hadn't moved, but all of the debris that was on the floor the night before was gone.

" _Did one of the children come down here?"_ he thought. The hatch had been open when he landed, but he had assumed that it was still that way from when he left before.

A creak behind him almost made him jump. Something crept towards him, groaning and creaking. Sportacus swung around and squinted into the darkness of what looked like a hallway. He brought his arms up, using his arm guards for defense, and was alert for traps.

The creature finally made its way into the light.

"It's a robot," Sportacus chuckled quietly as he lowered his arms. The robot in question looked like a miniature street sweeper. Attached to either side were dustpan looking funnels there were hooked up to large tubes which were connected to a rear compartment. The faded purple writing on the top of it spelt out "Super Sweeper 4000". Sportacus stepped out of the Super Sweeper's way and followed its path with his eyes as it backed up to the furnace chute to dump the contents it held.

It turned out that Robbie hated trash and messes, at least in his lair, but he was too lazy to clean up.

" _Impressive_ ," Sportacus thought to himself with a half smile. It's amazing what someone can do when they don't want to do something . For a few moments he had forgotten what he was doing. He sighed and looked at the chair.

Time to get to work.

After finding a hose, he connected it to the sink and began to look for some cleaning supplies, preferably soap. Under and around the sink there was nothing. Sportacus really didn't want to clean the chair but have it still smell like blood.

Sportacus walked around the room looking for something, anything, that might get the smell out. He stopped along the side of one wall where there was an oversized door with the word "Cleaner" above it in big purple letters.

"How did I miss that?" Sportacus muttered to himself, writing it off as his eyes not having adjusted to the darkness as much as he had thought. He swung the doors open to reveal…

An empty room.

Sportacus looked around and saw some holes in the ceiling and some grates in the floor, but apart from that the room was empty. Frowning, he closed the door. It was then that he noticed two buttons on the wall next to the door labelled "Wash" and "Dry". Of course Robbie would have a way to clean up his disguises, and himself, after a messy plan goes awry. It seemed that Robbie's ingenuity knew no bounds.

"Let's give it a try." Sportacus backflipped to the chair and pushed it over, and into, the "Cleaner" room. He closed the door and heard a _whoosh_ as it latched and became airtight. Sportacus pressed the "Wash" button and heard a dreadful noise from the room. Rushing water and grinding gears. Within ten seconds, everything went quiet and there was a small _ding_ that went off. He opened the door and saw an almost sparkling clean, albeit soaked, chair. Sportacus shut the door again and pressed the "Dry" button.

This noise was the worst thing he had ever heard and he quickly covered his ears. It wasn't loud, but it was a high pitched shriek. Fortunately it lasted only ten or so seconds. Once again the quiet ding chimed notifying him that the job was complete.

Sportacus opened the doors and pulled the now dry armchair out and moved it over to where he had seen a sky hatch open once. Robbie had to get all of his inventions outside somehow, and one day while patrolling the area Sportacus had seen him do just that.

He found a lever at the base of the platform that held the disguise tubes labeled "Hatch" and pulled it… after checking for a hatch under his feet first. Moonlight poured into the lair.

"Grappling hook," Sportacus yelled up to his ship and within moments one landed in his outstretched hands. He began to secure the hook around the chair.

~Airship~

Sportacus finally managed to wrestle the armchair up. By the time he had scooted it into place next to the guest bed where Robbie was still sleeping soundly, it was almost four in the morning. For one of the few times in his life, Sportacus was completely exhausted and a sugar meltdown was not the cause of it. He managed to halfway take off his jacket as he sat down on his bed, but he leaned back and fell asleep, almost before his head hit the pillow.

~Morning~

Robbie woke up, feeling well rested for the first time in what seemed like forever. He had dreamt about nothing but white noise. Looking around and squinting at the brightness, he realized that he wasn't in his lair. With a start, the events of the past couple days flooded back into his memory. Suddenly despondent, he sat up. To his left he saw that Sportaflop was out cold.

' _Now is my chance,_ ' Robbie thought. He could sneak off the ship, go to his lair, and lock himself in so that Sportakook couldn't bother him.

He was fine.

 **He was fine.**

"I'm fine," Robbie muttered to himself as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stretched his arms. His back cracked and made a horrendous sound that caused Sportacus to stir.

Robbie froze.

After a minute or so, reassured that Sportacus wasn't about to wake up and try and keep him on the ship again like some sort of prisoner, Robbie stood up and began to look around for his waistcoat. What he saw instead was odd.

" _Was that my chair?_ " Robbie thought to himself after the first sweep of the airship. Looking back, he confirmed that it was, indeed, his favourite chair. "How on _earth_ did that blue elf get you up here?" He slapped his hand over his mouth, he didn't mean to say that out loud. Confident that Sportacus was still asleep, Robbie walked over to inspect his chair.

There was no trace of his blood, or of anything for that matter. The chair looked cleaner then the day he first put it in his lair. " _He must have figured out how to use the laundry room,"_ Robbie gaped as he completed his inspect of the armchair. He fiddle around for the lever that kept his secret compartment closed. He knew it wasn't manly, or normal, for someone to still keep a security blanket around, but it was the only thing he had that still smelt like his mom. Hopefully the cleaning suds didn't find it's way into the back section. His hand grasped the small lever and he pulled it, snatching the blanket as it popped out.

Robbie put it close to his nose and hesitantly breathed in. Lilac and rose petals, a hint of honeysuckle. He didn't know how that damned blanket could make it for so many years and still keep that heavenly scent, but it did.

Snapping out of his reverie, he looked around the airship. There was no way for him to take his bed/chair down to his lair by himself. Well, if he wanted it in one piece. He could cut his losses and just leave now with the blanket. He did have an inflatable mattress _somewhere_ in his lair, and it wouldn't take him all that long to figure out how to build a chair. Maybe he would finally get around to building a bed.

So here he was, standing with his hands on his hips. Chair in the ship, waistcoat missing, and a sleeping superhero. Robbie remembered that his arms were bandaged.

"I suppose it's time to see how bad the damage was this time," he mumbled. Robbie pushed the armchair over to near the pilot's section. He wanted to look facing out of the airship and use the calming effect of the sky before taking off the makeshift bandages. He eased into the chair so as not to make a sound and took off the bandages one by one.

~Afternoon~

Sportacus woke up, but not with his customary snap of the eyelids. Instead he rolled over on one side, blinking a little to adjust to the light. He had tangled up his jacket and was laying half in it and half on top of it. He sat up and adjusted the jacket while looking at the empty guest bed.

 _Empty guest bed._

Where is Robbie? Sportacus looked down at his crystal, but it was silent. Wherever Robbie was, he wasn't needing help. " _What if he did something that would mean he never needs help again?"_ The unwanted thought popped into his mind and made it feel as though ice water was coursing through his veins.

He jumped up and flipped over to the guest bed. It was unmade, but that didn't really mean anything coming from Robbie. The chair was missing. The chair was missing? How could Robbie get the chair off the ship all by himself? It was hard enough for him, and he was a slightly-above-average-hero.

Sportacus scanned the ship and immediately mentally kicked himself. Right next to the pilot's chair was the back of the orange armchair. He saw a black bump of hair poking out from the top of the back of the chair. Sportacus flipped twice and was standing facing the occupant.

"Good morning Robbie!" Sportacus said cheerfully.

No response.

"Robbie?"

Robbie's eyes were open, unblinking, staring out of the sky ship. Sportacus noticed that there were small drops of dried blood all over Robbie's arms. Robbie had removed the bandages for whatever reason, and some of the wounds had reopened part way.

"Robbie? Robbie?" Sportacus said while gently shaking the man's shoulder.

Without diverting his gaze from the window, Robbie responded. "What do you want?"

"Are you okay?" Sportacus winced the moment the words left his mouth. What a stupid question, the answer was rather obvious.

"I'm fine." Empty eyes, toneless voice.

If Sportacus didn't know any better, he could almost believe that it was a robot sitting in the chair. He looked down again and noticed that the deepest cut that had worried him earlier looked red and inflamed. Sportacus didn't know much about first aid, but he knew the beginnings of an infection. Ms. Busybody might know what to do and what he would need. Once he felt that Robbie would do anything dangerous, he would go to the town and talk with Ms. Busybody and get a list of materials.

"I don't think you are fine," Sportacus said as he tried to catch Robbie's eyes. "Ball!" He called up to the ship after he failed to get Robbie's attention. Immediately a yoga exercise ball dropped into his hands. Sportacus couldn't force Robbie to talk to him, but he could at least keep him company until he was ready to talk. He sat down on the ball next to Robbie and waited.

~ Evening ~

' _What was he doing?'_ Robbie thought. It was the longest that Robbie had ever seen Sportaelf sit still. Well, almost still.

He couldn't recall when Sportacus had sat down next to him, but at some point Robbie noticed him, and he knew what Sportakook wanted.

' _He want's to talk about_ _ **feelings**_ '. Robbie's nose wrinkled in disgust. Girls talked about feelings. Chick flicks talked about feelings. Men did not talk about feelings.

But for some reason, some quiet voice in the back of his mind was telling him that he would feel better if he did. That voice was drowned out by voice that, he thought, came from the townspeople, shouting one word over and over again. After an hour, he realized that the voice were his own.

"Worthless."

The word flew out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Sportacus froze, halting his light bouncing on the yoga ball. ' _Did Robbie just say something?'_

"Robbie?"

Heavy silence.

With the damage already done and that word hanging in the suffocating air, Robbie spoke.

"I'm," he paused.

"I'm worthless. Why are you wasting your time with," Robbie sighed and waved his hand slightly, "such a waste of time?"

Sportacus was going to say something, but it was like the floodgates had opened.

"I'm mean. I'm selfish. I'm rude." Robbie didn't stop staring ahead. He felt it was easier to imagine that he was talking to no one. "I tried to chase away that blue sports elf. One could say that I have gotten close to killing him. Why can't I do anything right? Why can't I just have some peace and quiet? Why can't I control anything anymore? Why couldn't I keep my mother from dying?"

' _ **Too much'**_ an internal voice screamed. He clamped his mouth closed.

Sportacus didn't know what to say for once. He never knew his parents, and so he didn't know what it was like to lose them. In fact, he didn't know of a single person he had meet that had died. Logically someone must have by now, but he was never around a town long enough for that to happen. He didn't know what to do to talk to Robbie.

And so the two sat in silence.

A/N : Thank you so much for the reviews and the support! I apologize for not having this sooner, I have had to juggle DIY home renovations, grad finals, and my job.

Don't worry, there will be more!


	3. Chapter 3

~ An hour later ~

Lost in thought, Sportacus didn't notice what Robbie was doing until his crystal flashed yellow and softly chimed.

Robbie was still looking out at what had now become the last tails of the sunset, absent mindedly scratching at the deepest cut. He had managed to somewhat reopen it, causing blood to trickle down onto his pants, barely missing the blanket that laid crumpled in between his leg and the one of the chair arms.

Sportacus jumped up. "Robbie, stop!" He grabbed the closest bit of fabric, the prized blanket, and went to cover the cut.

He had never seen Robbie move so fast.

One second Robbie was nearly catatonic in the chair, the next he was standing almost two feet away.

"Do **not** use that!" Robbie growled, his hand clamped into the cut. Something he didn't notice until his fingers felt warm and sticky.

Robbie looked down at his arm with confusion, and Sportacus looked frantic.

Sportacus dropped the blanket and ran to grab the sheet off his bed. Within moment he had ripped it to ribbons.

Robbie just stood there, frozen in time. He would never let blood taint the blanket. Why would Sportacus grab it? Didn't he know what it means to him?

' _Of course not, you never told him. It would never have come up in conversation before all this.'_

Fair point.

Robbie was brought back to reality when Sportacus grabbed his bleeding arm with one hand and pried away his hand that was in the cut with Sportacus's other. Robbie felt like he was back in his lair two nights ago. The room started to close in again and his breathing began to increase. How did he keep losing him control of situations agai-

"Stay with me Robbie," Sportacus broke through Robbie's thoughts, quiet and calm. More calmly than he felt. Sportacus slowly walked Robbie to the guest bed and sat him down. Sportacus then started to wipe away the blood so that he could see the damage.

The wound was reopened, nearly worse than it was originally. Additionally, there were three small crescent cuts just outside of the larger cut, most likely made from Robbie's fingernails. Sportacus carefully wrapped the arm as best he could. He called for water from the sip and used it to get another strip wet to wipe away the rest of the blood from the arm. Sportacus dampened another one and offered it to Robbie.

"Why," Robbie asked, completely drained of energy.

"To clean your hand," Sportacus motioned to the bloody fingers.

"Oh." Robbie responded almost sheepishly. "That wasn't what I asked." He took the rag and held it as he would have to wait until Sportaflop was done with his other arm before he could properly clean up. "I meant, why are you helping me? And don't answer with "Because I'm a hero" or "It's the right thing to do". Why?"

"I help you because you are my friend. I would help you even if you were not my friend." Sportacus responded as he tried once more to look Robbie in his eyes.

"Okay, but why?" Robbie was getting mad and it was spilling out into his voice. "It doesn't make sense. I don't have friends, people hate me, and I tried to hurt you more times then I can count. Friends are not supposed to do that! So, why?!"

"Why are you my friend? Or why do I help people that are not my friends?" Sportacus asked, trying to clarify what exactly Robbie wanted.

"Yes. Both, either." Robbie sighed, deflated, "I don't know."

"Well, I don't know how to explain what makes me think of you as a friend." He paused. "Do you remember the time you disguised yourself as a pirate and tried to trick the kids into believing the missing stone told them to be lazy?"

Robbie blinked. That happened a few years ago, he could hardly remember it. "Yes."

"I knew it was you, but the kids were having so much fun that I didn't want to spoil the day. It looked like you were having fun too. The kids still talk about that day." Sportacus paused, remembering more. "You really made them happy."

Robbie didn't realize it until it was already happening, tears were welling up in his eyes. "I, I made them happy?"

"Yes, you did. They weren't upset when they found out it was you, not really." Sportacus grabbed another one of the white strips and began to wrap the cuts. He was worried about the deepest one, but tried not to show it. Somehow he succeeded, however he felt that was due to the fact that Robbie was a little distracted. "Do you remember when you were the Purple Knight?" Sportacus continued, "When you and I were dueling?"

Robbie squinted, as if trying to locate a memory far away, "Yes, I think."

"Stephanie told me afterwards that it was the most fun that she had had in a while, the other children agreed." Sportacus secured the makeshift bandage and patted Robbie's arm. "They really do like you Robbie, just when you aren't trying to make them lazy or when you are get rid of me."

 _They like me?_ Robbie felt like he was getting a headache. They said they didn't want him in the town anymore, didn't they? Did that really happen? Robbie was unsure of what had happened in the past now. Maybe if he could get to his lair he would be able to review the footage again. There is no way that he could have imagined everything that the Mayor and the children had said. He felt like he was going to pass out again.

"Don't lie to me." Robbie said as he laid down on the bed and rolled into a ball with his back towards Sportacus and pulled the blankets over his head.

"I'm not lying, I would never lie," Sportacus responded, unable to keep how hurt he felt out of his words. "I wouldn't lie to you or to anyone."

"Okay," a muffled voice drifted voice. "Then tell me, what did the Mayor say after I destroyed the field?"

Sportacus thought for a few seconds, he didn't want to put words in the Mayor's mouth. "It happened like this..."

* * *

 _"Not to hurt us?" Mayor Meanswell said. "What do you call all this? You did hurt someone whether you meant to or not." The Mayor tried to look angry, but he was too shocked and what had just transpired he ended up looking worn out. "Go away and please don't come back until you are ready to play nice. LazyTown doesn't need this sort of destruction."_

 _Mayor Meanswell stated as his voice got a touch tougher and more authoritative. "You have no business destroying this town, you don't really help anyone apart from a kitten or two, and some of your machines are dangerous for the children. We don't need the trouble or the danger," the Mayor swept his hands around at the current scene, "that your inventions bring to this town. Intentional or not. If you are going to show off your inventions, please make sure they are safe to be near the kids."_

* * *

 _"_ That's not how it happened. You're lying," The muffled voice of Robbie sounded upset.

"It is," Sportacus said, still sitting on the edge of the bed, "I am telling you the truth. I don't know what else to say."

Robbie paused. The memory of the event was foggy, given the recent events, but he **knew** that the Mayor had called him worthless. He had. It had sounded just like his dad saying it.

Just like his dad.

His dad.

* * *

 _"You are worthless having around here."_

Suddenly Robbie was back in his childhood home, one of his inventions having just been smashed to pieces by his father. All that he had wanted to do was to show Papa how his machine worked, it would have saved him time writing his reports. You only had to speak into it and the special typewriter that Robbie built would type the words for you. He had fixed the enunciation problem so that anyone could use it, but he hadn't figured out what to do when there was an errant word spoken like the filler "um's" and "ah's". His dad wanted nothing to do with it, and after taking it from Robbie, he had hurled it at the wall.

 _"Why couldn't you have been like your brother? Why did you have to be so weak?!"_ His father yelled at him while motioning to the wall. A veritable shrine had been built to Robbie's older brother, the athletic star that everyone at school loved and adored, Robbie's best and only friend. Taken too soon from his life.

 _"Hinrik,"_ Robbie's mother called faintly, barely heard over Robbie's racing heart. _"Please don-"_ She was cut off by a coughing fit, Robbie had lost count of how many she had had that day.

 _"Svana,"_ Hinrik had gotten up from his chair by the fireplace and rushed to her bedside. _"You know that you need your rest, don't trouble yourself with the boy."_

Robbie stood by the doorframe, feeling so small and alone. First his brother left him, and soon his mother would leave him. Leave him alone with his father. He wasn't stupid, he heard the hushed voices and hurried whispers whenever the doctor came for a house call to check on her.

When he first found out about this mysterious illness called Creutzfeldt, he threw himself into his inventions to try and find a way to remove it from her, to make her better again. Robbie was only fifteen, but he was positive that he could figure it out. After six months, he realized that he just wasn't as good at biology or the science of the human body as he was with mechanical engineering or the chemical sciences. There was nothing that he could do apart from watching her waste away into a shell of her former self, just like he couldn't keep his brother from going out with friends that winter night. He couldn't do anything to keep people from leaving him. He was worthless, just like Papa said.

* * *

Robbie started to reminiscence about the journey that took him from that horrible place to where he was today, on an airship who-knows-how-far-off-the-ground with a blue kangaroo sitting on the bed.

That was the night, the night Hinrik broke the invention, that Robbie had decided to leave. He would wait until after Mother's funeral and then he would leave his father for good. He wouldn't stop until he had forgotten his way back home. He wouldn't stop until he could control something in his life, until he could control who would leave and who would stay.

Later that week his mother passed away.

On his 16th birthday.

A few days later Hinrik discovered that he was missing. No one came looking for him, and Robbie doubted that the police were even notified that he had disappeared.

Robbie hated walking. He hated anytime he wasn't working on an invention of his. He had created jet roller-skates that took him about 100 miles from his old home before breaking down. After that he walked until he found a train station and purchased the ticket that would put the most miles between himself and his father.

From there he found a town to settle in. After a year or so, he moved. The parents and children were all bullies, constantly breaking into his home and breaking his inventions. The police would just laugh and say it was all good fun, or that he shouldn't have left his door unlocked because "you know how curious kids can be".

Packing up all of his inventions, he drove in a trailer he built until it ran out of energy. He stayed in that town for three or four years. Robbie left because although no one was destroying his stuff, everyone was so busy. Cars rushing by at all hours of the night, one of his neighbors kids was in a death metal band that practiced from 3am to 6am like clockwork. People kept coming and going from that town, including the one person that the first to be kind to him since his mother passed away. She was there for two years as a teacher and they had shared a love of cats. After those two years she had gotten a job offer back in, of course, Robbie's hometown. She couldn't take everything with her, so she left Robbie with her favourite orange shag armchair.

Once she left, Robbie didn't leave his house for two months. It wasn't that he was love sick or anything, it just that he had truly enjoyed her company and she left him. Everyone always leaves him. After 'fixing' himself, he packed everything up once again and headed off to find another place to stay.

This was his life for another nine years, on and off the road. He had no idea how far he had travelled, and he honestly didn't care. After a particularly bad experience in a city, he stumbled across a town with the name that he thought was finally the perfect match.

Lazy Town.

Hinrik had always said he was lazy, didn't he? Maybe now he could find people after his own heart and finally have some peace and quiet. To sleep and work on his numerous projects.

All of the town's homes were occupied, although by whom Robbie never found out. He went to just outside of town and used an earth digger/home builder contraption that he created during his stay at in the previous city. It took about a day for his device to finish hollowing out the ground and building what he had taken to calling his "lair". Once he made the finishing touches, he got settled in to relax.

Then the earth shook.

Robbie thought the earth was going to come down on him, so he actually sprinted to the escape hatch he created and got to the surface in record time.

His heart stopped racing once he saw that it was just a demolition truck that had taken down an old home.

Determined to keep a scare like that from happening, Robbie decided that he needed a way to know what was going on above him. After a few months, his 'RobbieRotten Communication Center 1000' had been completely installed. Anytime someone made plans for anything, he was one of the first to know.

He got to know the kids and a few of the adults in town during this time. Robbie would come to the surface and trade video games with the computer kid-whiz Pixel whenever he needed components for a project. If he needed something that wasn't tech based like a broom or a picture frame, he would trade the child millionaire Stingy. Robbie found that if he wanted something sweet, which was always, he could trade candies with Ziggy and get ones that he had never tried before. Trixie was fun due to her love of playing tricks and occasionally causing minor property damage. It felt like he had finally found the place that he belonged.

Until that pink pixie showed up and, shortly afterwards, that annoying blue jumping bean.

* * *

A/N: I know that I am deviating from the canon, apologies.

Hinrik is Icelandic for Henry, and Svana is an Icelandic name that is short for Svanhildur - roughly means battle swan.


	4. Chapter 4

"It's all your fault you know." Robbie said more calmly then he felt. He never really thought about why he was so set on wanting Sportacus to leave, apart from the fact that Sportacus was anything but lazy. Now he had remembered how much he enjoyed the time he had spent in the town before Pink and Blue arrived, he felt rage begin to consume him. He finally had fit in, for the first time in his life. People didn't hate him for being there, and they were not bothered on the rare occasions when he wanted to talk to them and have some company.

Then Stephanie came along, and she had wanted to change everything. She was always looking at him with accusing eyes, seeming to say that he was no good for the town and that he wasn't wanted around whenever he showed up and the kids were playing. It was crazy for a grown adult to think that about some little girl, but he could never shake the feeling that she was judging him just like the school kids did when Robbie was growing up.

After Stephanie showed up, Sportacus soon followed at her behest. From that point on, everything had gone downhill. Once peaceful afternoons in his lab were filled with shouts of children playing and screams of laughter. Even if he turned off his communication system, he could still hear the rumbles of running feet and the occasional loud shriek. Once Robbie was in the middle of mixing some particularly sensitive chemicals together when a loud and sudden bang startled him so bad that he dropped one of the test tubes. Nothing harmful happened, but hours of delicate measurements and mixing of other chemicals were wasted.

It was at that point he put all of his limited energy into getting rid of Sportacus. After that, he would worry about removing that pink-haired pixie from the town.

Why couldn't Robbie have his peace and quiet once more?

It didn't matter anymore now. Robbie had already ruined his chances of making the town go back to normal. He would never be able to show his face there, let alone get Sportacus to leave. Now he couldn't even do that, seeing as how the man in questions was ' _taking care of him_ ', Robbie thought bitterly.

"What is my fault? What did I do?" Sportacus looked at Robbie's back.

"Nothing. Forget it. Leave me alone." Robbie curled up as tight as he could and, after the overload of emotions and memories that had just occurred, he quickly fell asleep.

After a few minutes, Sportacus heard Robbie softly snoring, which meant that he needed to take advantage of the time he had left before everyone else in the town went to bed and get those medical supplies from Ms. Busybody. Or at least, find out what he needed so that he could go shopping for them. He looked at the clock and saw that he had just under an hour left before 8:08pm. He quietly stood up and walked over to the pilots chair, refraining from somersaulting or cartwheeling so as to keep things quiet for Robbie. Sportacus flew the airship to just over Ms. Busybody's yard, as low down as he could without hitting anything, and jumped down.

* * *

Sportacus returned to the ship ten minutes later with a small bag that held everything he needed. Ms. Busybody was very helpful after he explained that the med-kit on his airship was low on supplies and the store was closed. He had wanted to clean his now non-existent cut, but was missing everything he needed for an infected wound.

It was a little difficult to keep Ms. Busybody from looking at his shoulder, however once he was able to reminder her that it was getting late and she needed time to put her curlers in her hair she had quickly dropped the subject. Ms. Busybody had given him some antibiotic ointment, antiseptic wipes, sterile bandages, and some Íbúfen, along with some quick instructions on taking care of wounds and what to do if it gets infected.

Right as Sportacus set foot on the ship, his crystal beeped and glowed it's normal rainbow of colours. "Someone's in trouble!" He said out of habit, although quietly as he remembered the moment his crystal glowed that Robbie was still asleep. He dropped the bag that Ms. Busybody had given him and jumped back out of the airship to the ground. Sportacus took off in search of who might be in trouble.

* * *

Robbie's eyes opened. He had heard the incessantly loud beeping from Sportakooks crystal and was careful not to move to show that he was awake. He had fallen asleep for a few minutes but because everything in the airship was so hot and loud, and his arm that Sportacus had just wrapped for him felt like it was on fire, he was unable to fall into any sort of deep or restful sleep. Blue Elf would be busy saving someone, which gave Robbie the chance that he needed to get back to his lair and secure it from intruders. He no longer felt the desire to die, but he didn't want to be in this noisy excuse for a home.

The only thing Robbie wanted to do was to get back to his home and rest in the cool and quiet bedroom that he rarely used. In fact, the only time he could remember using his bed was when he was sick two years ago and ached all over. Fortunately he had just completed his Chicken Soup Maker 1, so he didn't really have to do anything and was able to recuperate fairly quickly.

Robbie sat up and swung his long legs over the bedframe. He threw off the covers and immediately regretted it, going from boiling hot to insanely cold in a split second. To add insult to injury, he developed a pounding headache. Robbie grabbed the blue and white blanket and covered up. He stood up and carefully put a step forward towards the exit. The world did a funny tilt and Robbie froze in his tracks. His equilibrium was off and he knew then that he was sick, probably from a fever or the flu - he didn't really know the difference between the two as he never cared enough to find out.

The exit suddenly looked miles away.

Robbie looked towards the controls and saw his inviting orange chair, with his mother's blanket resting on the arm from where that flippity-flopper carelessly threw it. If he could make it there, maybe then he would be able to rest enough to make the journey to his home. He rather be in a bed then a chair, but he much rather be in _his_ chair then _Sportacus's_ guest bed.

Robbie took several small steps to keep himself balanced and made it to his chair just in time to feel sick to his stomach, as the world spinning around you has the tendency to make you feel ill. He sat down heavily and kept the blankets wrapped around him, even though he felt like he was cooking in his own skin. _'You are supposed to sweat out a fever, right?'_ Robbie thought to himself as he fell asleep, hoping he got that right at least.

* * *

Sportacus jumped down from the tree limb he had vaulted up to, a small kitten safely held in one hand. "You know, you keep getting into trouble. One of these days you might really get hurt." Sportacus said as he pet the little kitten, who had finally stopped meowing. The old thing about this kitten was that it seemed to be the only one in Lazy Town and always seems to be the same age. He wondered why no one had taking the little one in yet, maybe he should?

 _"Beep-beep-beep"_

Sportacus looked down and saw the now familiar light yellowish-orange light glowing from his crystal. It was Robbie.

"You be good this time, and no more trees!" He gently placed the kitten down on the ground and sprinted back to where the airship was parked over Ms. Busybody's house. After shouting for the ladder, Sportacus nearly floated up, he was moving so fast.

He jumped onto the platform and rushed inside. The bed was empty. Sportacus nearly let out a groan before he saw the black mop of hair peeking out again from the top of the orange chair. He flipped over and saw that Robbie was asleep, but sweating.

Sportacus placed the back of his hand on Robbie's forehead and quickly withdrew it. Robbie was burning up.

He remembered the bag that Ms. Busybody gave him and picked it up, bringing it over to the armchair and the yoga ball that hadn't moved from where Sportacus had been sitting on it earlier. He sat down and pulled everything out, calling for a table from the ship. A square block rose from the floor right next to him, and he laid out all the supplies he had gotten. After sorting them out, Sportacus grabbed part of the blanket and pulled it away, looking for the infected wound. He pulled the hand away from the blanket it was clutched to and started to peel off the makeshift bandages that he had just put on only a few hours ago.

It was definitely infected.

Angry red lines had begun to extend outwards from the gash, and the area was warm to the touch with some pus beginning to form in some places. Sportacus didn't think that infections were supposed to move so quickly, but instead of pondering on that, he moved into action in cleaning the wound.

* * *

Once everything was wiped down and sterilized, this part had taken longer than Sportacus thought it would as he kept slowing down when Robbie would fidget or whimper in his sleep, he carefully began to apply the proper medical grade bandages and gauze. What surprised him was that Robbie slept through the whole affair, as it seemed as though the slightest noise or movement could wake the fellow.

Sportacus leaned back on the yoga ball and surveyed his handiwork. The bandage looked properly wrapped, not too tight and not too loose.

"Water," he whispered to the ship, and quickly caught the bottle hurtling towards his face. Sportacus opened the packaging around the Íbúfen bottle and sat there quietly for a moment. Robbie was still sweating and had now started to mumble in his sleep, which caused him to have a small dilemma. Should he wake Robbie up from what could be the beginnings of a fever-induced nightmare, or should he let the man get some well needed rest?

Sportacus opted for the former and began to gently shake Robbie's shoulder.

"Robbie?"

"Robbie? You need to wake up for just a little bit."

"Ugn," Robbie moaned, slowly blinking his eyes.

"Robbie, you need to take this." Sportacus held the bottle of the pills in his hand, the water was on the table-square. "You have a fever."

Robbie blinked a few more times, trying to focus on one of the Sportacuses. He shook his head and two of them disappeared. "Okay," he mumbled. "Where is Mom?"

"What?" Sportacus blinked, taken aback. "Your... your mom?"

"Yes. Where is she?" Robbie looked around with eyes bright with fever. "Where did she go?"

"Robbie, your mom is not here. You are on my airship, don't you remember?" Sportacus didn't know what else to say, a theme becoming all too common with him.

"She was right here, she was right here!" Robbie started getting angry. "What did you do to her? _**What did you do?!**_ " He shot up, unstable, and drew his hand back while forming a fist. Robbie grabbed Sportacus's shirt in a bunch with his other hand and hauled him up with strength neither of them knew he had. "You are a hero right?! Why didn't you _save her?_ "

He swung.

And missed by a mile.

Already unsteady on his feet, he lost his balance completely and fell backwards onto Sportacus, who in turn managed to stand steady and catch Robbie easily. Sportacus carefully guided the confused Robbie back to the chair and sat him down.

"Your mother went away, but she will come back. Until then, you need to take this so you can get better." Sportacus opened the bottle and shook out two pills, offering them to Robbie.

Robbie took the pills and swallowed them without the water that Sportacus offered him. Everything was bright and painful, and it hurt to keep his eyes open. Just before he closed them, Sportacus handed him something soft.

"Don't forget your blanket."

Robbie fell asleep with the smell of rose petal's and lilacs, the sides of the chair feeling all the world to him like a mother's embrace.

* * *

A/N: Íbúfen is the Icelandic name for Ibuprofen.

AA/N: The sudden "change" in what Robbie want's to do stems from anxiety induced depression, and not depression induced anxiety. Some people with anxiety disorders can develop depression or suicidal tendencies if their anxiety escalates to an extreme point, as seen with Robbie in the first chapter. This is not a sudden plot twist, but rather an indication of his anxiety level **at that moment** in the air ship having fallen to manageable levels.

I know this isn't much, but I want to provide you with frequent 2k+ word updates instead of long pauses before 6k word updates, you know?


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I am so so sorry it has taken this long to update. I actually wrote this out on paper back in December of 2016 but a whole host of things have happened since then. I got pregnant, my husband was deployed to Afghanistan, and I'm finishing out my grad classes. Without further ado...**

* * *

 _Robbie took the pills and swallowed them without the water that Sportacus offered him. Everything was bright and painful, and it hurt to keep his eyes open. Just before he closed them, Sportacus handed him something soft._

 _"Don't forget your blanket."_

 _Robbie fell asleep with the smell of rose petals and lilacs, the sides of the chair feeling all the world to him like a mother's embrace._

* * *

Sportacus found that he had trouble sleeping that night, more so than the previous nights. Perhaps it was because his sleep was interrupted after he had already fallen asleep. He knew the root cause of his nighttime restlessness, the body that lay across the room in the orange chair, the man with so much - now apparent - emotional turmoil.

It was obvious to Sportacus that Robbie seemed to remember that day on the field differently than how he remembered it. The question was now 'Who was right?' and how much of the version that Robbie thought was real had affected him. Sportacus paced the ship

Sportacus paced the ship.

Looked at the clock, 9 pm.

Pace.

Looked again, 10:32 pm.

Sat down.

Stood up.

Paced some more.

For the first time in Sportacus's recent memory, he began to feel frustrated. That frustration grew every time he glanced over at the wall clock and saw that the time continued to creep forward and he was still unable to sleep. Sportacus didn't enjoy _not_ knowing how to help people. He helped Stingy after a nightmare. He helped Ziggy when he was feeling left out from playing with the other kids. Sportacus half-smiled when he remembered Robbie giving Ziggy homemade cookies and played with Stingy's gift of imagination, or when Robbie had dressed up as an alien and played (willingly or not) with Ziggy.

Sportacus knew that people feeling down or more accurately, depressed, couldn't be made to feel better, but he could still be there if he was needed.

One thing that he didn't quite understand was Robbie's need to control situations. Robbie had blamed himself for his Mother's death, but Sportacus felt as though Robbie had most likely done everything that he could to prevent it. Unless Robbie told him exactly what happened, Sportacus wouldn't know and he wouldn't be able to understand why Robbie feels the way he does about it.

Therein lies the problem.

Sportacus went back to pacing.

* * *

Around 3 am Sportacus finally sorted things out enough to fall asleep. By 'sorted things out', he was just going to ask Robbie in the morning about it. He would either tell him or not, so to ask about it was the only thing that Sportacus could do, right?

Sportacus fell ungracefully onto his bed and was asleep the moment after his head hit the pillow, fully dressed, shoes and all.

* * *

Sportacus woke up to an earthquake, or what he thought was an earthquake. It took him a few moments of sleepy awareness to realize that he was being shaken awake by a hand on each shoulder. Sportacus blinked a few times and looked up at the person that was attached to the hands, Robbie who was shockingly near tears.

"What is wrong Robbie?" Sportacus asked, still being shook.

The shaking stopped immediately and Robbie stood up like a shot and turned around on his heel.

"It was late. You weren't awake." Robbie snapped gruffly. As an almost afterthought he added, "I thought something was wrong with... with you. Like a sugar meltdown or something." He was secretly worried that Sportacus was sick, but he would never say that.

Sportacus sat up and looked at the wall clock - it was late in the morning, almost noon. "I was up later than normal," He offered as an explanation, something he felt that he owed Robbie having brought him to tears.

Robbie only responded with a huff and stalked off to his orange chair. He slouched down in the chair, trying to disappear as he wrapped his blanket over him as best as he could. Robbie was still tired, he had forgotten when he last ate but for some reason he wasn't hungry. To be honest, he was almost never hungry, he just liked the taste of sugary, salty, and fatty types of food. Robbie looked out the enormous sky windows and exhaled loudly. It was a little too bright for his tastes, but he was willing to keep the brightness if it meant he could sleep without the incessant sound of children playing in the fields over his home.

The field he destroyed.

Over the home he now had to leave.

Robbie couldn't place what he was feeling at that moment. He wasn't angry, nor was he sad. After a few minutes, during which he heard Sportacus behind him quietly giving orders to the ship, he realized what it was that he was feeling.

Acceptance.

It wasn't just acceptance about the situation Robbie currently found himself in, hated by the whole town and being 'saved' by that damned blue elf; no, it was acceptance about _everything._

His mother died, he couldn't do anything about it, but it was finally okay. He was only 16. The brightest medical minds couldn't save her and they had the academic background. There truthfully was nothing he could have done, and it was okay.

Nothing he could have done would have saved his brother, and that was okay.

He would not have been able to keep Joanna - the name of the woman that gave him the orange chair - with him as she was a free spirit and had her life, her future, to think about. That was okay.

"Are you okay Robbie?" A concerned voice and a light hand on his shoulder broke through his thoughts.

"It's okay." Robbie coughed, noticed that tears of, perhaps relief, had been flowing freely. "I'm okay." Hurriedly he wiped the tears away. He felt lighter than he had in as long as he could remember, giving up the weight of all the things that he had known for so long that he had no control over.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sportacus said as he walked around to the yoga ball to sit facing out of the window instead of looking at Robbie. He felt that it might be easier for Robbie to talk about whatever he needed to.

There was silence for a minute or so.

Quietly, Robbie broke it.

"Yes, but not right now." As an afterthought, he added, "Later today, after those kids have gone to bed and you won't have to worry about rescuing anyone."

 _'Anyone but me,'_ Robbie thought silently, surprising himself. He realized quite by accident that he thought of Sportacus as a friend. When that happened, Robbie couldn't say, but it was nice having a friend.

Having someone to talk to.

* * *

~Nighttime~

Sportacus had only needed to go to the town twice. Once for the kitten, who he had now nicknamed Robbie Jr., and the other time to save Ziggy from a tree and spend some time with the kids. They asked about his injury and he showed them that it was healed completely without so much as a scar. He convinced them that it was just a scratch, not nearly as bad as it looked or had actually been.

Eight in the evening quickly rolled around and Sportacus waved goodbye to the children as they ran off to their respective homes. Sportacus walked over to the ladder and made his way up to his airship.

Robbie looked like he hadn't moved the entire time that Sportacus was gone. In reality, he had gotten up and found some fresh pineapple cubes. It was a 'healthy food' but it did taste really sweet so Robbie was able to stomach it.

Sportacus walked over and sat back down on the yoga ball, again staring out the front of the airship and watched as the moon began to shine brightly, having been hidden by the sun's brightness all day.

Robbie huffed and then sighed. He glanced over at Sportacus and was glad that he wasn't being looked at. He didn't know when or where to start, so he just went.

The floodgates opened.

"I get anxious sometimes. I don't know why or how to stop it. Sometimes it gets out of hand and I start to feel like there is something wrong with me. I feel empty. Numb." Robbie thought for a second to figure out how to explain it better. "Sportakook, you know the feeling you get when your crystal goes off?"

Sportacus nodded without looking at Robbie. The feeling of dread that he might not be fast enough. Every time the crystal went off he had that feeling.

"You know what a house of cards is, right?"

Another nod.

"Okay," Robbie fiddled with his thumbs and the edges of the blanket. "Imagine if every time your crystal went off, a card was made with that feeling. You can't get rid of the card, the feelings. Eventually, you have a full deck of these feelings that you have started to craft into a house of cards, placed in the middle of a small room. You can't ignore it, but you can walk around it and still do the things you need to. But you keep adding to that house of cards even if it is in danger of crumbling." Robbie paused and looked at Sportacus to see if he was still following. Not that he thought the blue jumping bean was stupid, Robbie didn't know if what he was saying was making any sense. It seemed like he was understanding the mental image.

Satisfied, he continued.

"Once the weight is too much the house falls. It doesn't stop on the floor, but it falls through it. In this way, the anxiety that I have turns to... it turns to..." He hesitated. He had never told anyone about his anxiety or what happens to it when things get bad. He cleared his throat and continued. "It turns into depression."

Something broke inside of Robbie when he said that word. He had never even acknowledged that he struggled with depression, at least not out loud. People who had depression were weak, or so his father had told him. Robbie knew now that it really wasn't the case. Now that he was talking about it, he felt stronger.

He also felt so many emotions, emotions that weren't sadness or anxiety, or anger or annoyance.

And right there, on Sportacus's airship, Robbie the evil villain started to cry. Not the small and quiet tear tracks that had occurred earlier, but full shoulder racking sobs - sobs he managed to keep quiet. In the first few moments, he was able to cry without any sounds coming from him. Until Sportacus's damned crystal glowed yellow, causing the hero to look down in surprise and then over at Robbie. After that, Robbie no longer felt like he needed to hide it.

Then something strange happened. Sportacus stood up awkwardly and took a hesitant step towards Robbie. He knelt down next to the armchair and placed his hand on the undamaged part of Robbie's forearms.

"It will be okay Robbie. I am here for you."

Robbie twitched a little. The last time that he had been comforted was before his mother had died. It was shortly before she had fallen sick, right after his brother died. She had hugged him and had said, Robbie could have sworn, the exact same thing that the damned blue elf just had. He cried all the harder and slumped forward with his head almost on his knee.

Robbie cried for a little over a half hour. For all the times he didn't cry for his brother, for his mother, for having been bullied, for Joanna leaving. Sportacus not moving from his position in all that time. After the crying slowed and eventually stopped, they both stayed like that for a few more minutes.

Finally raising his head, Robbie looked at Sportacus with his red and puffy eyes, coughing to clear his throat. "I'm sorry I kept trying to chase you away from the Town. I'm sorry that you got hurt. I'm sorry that I destroyed the children's field. I'll leave and you won't have to worry about that anymore."

Sportacus sighed, "I forgive you for what you did, but you don't need to leave. No one wants you to leave. You still need to apologize to the kids about the field, not just me."

"Right." Robbie straightened up and looked out the window at the night sky, the stars beginning to shine through the twilight haze of sunset and the moon's glow. He started to get an idea.

Sportacus removed his hands from Robbie's forearm but left one on the armchair as he moved the yoga ball closer.

"If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always here Robbie. I'm your friend."

Robbie looked over at Sportacus, one of the few times he ever looked people in the eyes. "I know. Thank you." He looked back out into the night sky.

Sportacus glanced at the wall clock and noticed that it was only 9:30 pm. Only. Just a few days ago he would have been shocked at how late it was. He remembered there was something he needed to do before he went to bed. "Robbie, can I looked at your arms."

Robbie immediately felt uncomfortable, memories about what was on his arms came flooding back to him and he wasn't as mentally foggy as he had been the past few days. The room started to close in on him again and Robbie closed his eyes and took slow, deep breaths. He reminded himself that Sportacus had already seen the extent of everything. After all, he was the one that had bandaged them multiple times and had come to his rescue that first night. He shifted in the chair and coughed a bit. "Okay, if you absolutely have to."

Sportacus nodded, "I do. It was getting infected yesterday and we need to keep it clean." He got up and got the medical supplies from one of the tables.

He sat back down on the yoga ball and Robbie tried to mentally distance himself from what was going on by looking out the windows again and devising a plan for the soccer field.

Sportacus gently peeled back the coverings. The right arm, the one with the word " _trash_ " etched in it was healing okay. There was almost no sign of infection thankfully, so Sportacus was able to take care of that dressing rather quickly. The right arm, however, with the word " _worthless_ " carved into it was looking a bit worse than it had the other day. Or maybe it was the same - Sportacus wasn't entirely certain. That was the arm that Robbie had scratched the deepest cut open and then clamped his fingernails into it, so it was possible that more dirt got into it than the other forearm. He cleaned it as best as he could and was a little worried when he didn't hear a single sound from Robbie, not even a whimper when Sportacus used the antiseptic. He looked at Robbie and saw that he was either catatonic again or simply lost in thought, although which he couldn't be certain. He finished wrapping that arm and got up to get a bottle of water. He noticed that some pineapple was missing and figured out that Robbie must have liked it enough to have some, so Sportacus brought some over to him with an extra bottle of water.

"You need to eat something, or at least drink something. You are probably dehydrated. I know that you don't like water and I'll go to the shop tomorrow for some soda for you, but please try and drink some water tonight."

Robbie broke his staring contest with the stars and looked at Sportacus's offering. He grabbed the pineapple and water, hoarsely offering a thank you.

Sportacus waited until Robbie had taken a few sips of water and eaten some of the pineapple before he headed to bed.

As he drifted to sleep he found himself thinking that maybe Robbie was out of the woods. Just maybe.


End file.
